Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011)

There is hardly anything strange about this that is worth the admission price. Johnny Depp is reliably brilliant as Captain Jack Sparrow, but that's to be expected. That's not strange. I can't personally say the same about the rest of the film. This is lazy, by-the-books film-making that we have come to expect during this time of the year. And I had close to no expectations when I sat in the auditorium with those stupid 3D glasses on my face, but I still left with a bitter taste when I left the cinema to cycle back home.

See this, Not That – Tron Legacy(2010) / The Tourist(2010)

A lot of people find themselves with some extra time off towards the end of the year, with a little more opportunity to catch up on the season’s blockbuster moneymakers and awards contenders.  But even with the vacation days and bonus dinero from Grandma, Joe and Jane Moviegoer can’t see them all.

Retro Review: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

You know what A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) is? It’s an idea – a really cool, really interesting and extremely frightening idea. Over the past 25 years Nightmare has maintained elite slasher flick status, propelling writer/director Wes Craven into the Horror Hall of Fame and installing Freddy Kruger as a cinematic household name. Aficionados who came up in the 80s look at it as one of the greats. It maintains an astounding (and alarming) 95% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes, beating out other slasher classic like the original Halloween (93%), Scream (81%), and the original Friday the 13th (60%). In fact, if you don’t count Psycho (which, to be fair, isn’t structured like a slasher flick), Nightmare is the most acclaimed slasher flick of all time. And not just on Rotten Tomatoes. Metacritic, the New York Times, etc. all view Nightmare as a pinnacle of its genre. A truly classic horror film.

And it may in fact be just that. You may have watched this flick as a kid and been haunted in your sleep for weeks. But guess what – I watched it the other night, and I thought it sucked.

Alice in Wonderland (2010)

Sorry we’re a little late on this one. Too much caterpillar-inspired hookah time.

Now, if there’s one thing people seem to forget about Lewis Carroll’s “Alice” books, it’s that they are seriously f-ed up acid-induced trips put to paper. Sure, Disney made it fuzzy and cute, but Tim Burton kicked little Mary Jane wearing Alice to the curb and replaced her with a saucy teenager, a feminist before the word entered the modern lexicon. Add Burton’s obligatory casting of his partner Helena Bonham Carter, the universally-loved Johnny Depp and stoner baiting 3D, and you have the recipe for a blockbuster who could draw anyone from age 5 to 75 without breaking a sweat.

So… why wasn’t it good?