Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Vegas Movies - Which Flick Does Your Trip Look Like?

“Where the hell have YOU been, DubMc?!” Vegas, that’s where. You’d be able to tell if you could see me, but this is film blog so you’ll just have to trust me. I went to Vegas. I came back with money. I think that’s kinda amazing. But you know what I didn’t do in Vegas? Watch movies. Not even bad cable ones while recovering in the hotel room… although I might have, if our TV wasn’t a 1992 Zeneth with access to a total of 10 casino themed channels, and an 11th that seemed to only show Craig Ferguson on loop. But as it is, I saw zero movies and watched nearly zero television. Not even CSI. You’d think in Vegas CSI might have its own channel. But no – only Craig Ferguson gets that honor.

Anyway, whenever I go to Vegas, or think about going to Vegas, I think about the movies my Vegas trip might emulate. I think about the Casinos and the Hangovers and the Swingers and wonder which of these sinful misadventures I might encounter. So I thought we’d rank them, from least desirable to most, to help tide me over till I finally see Iron Man 2...

Leaving Las Vegas (1995)

Pros: …

Cons: You’d drink yourself to death, and have no fun doing it.

Very Bad Things (1998)

Pros: …

Cons: Dead hooker, dark secrets, and a very, very unfunny trip. You might survive, but probably not with the use of your limbs.

Go (1999)

Pros: Crazy adventures in the Vegas underbelly. You’ll survive…

Cons: …but barely. You might also get food poisoning (don’t eat the shrimp!) and wreck your car.

Viva Las Vegas (1964)

Pros: You’d be Elvis.

Cons: You might be fat Elvis.

Casino (1995)

Pros: An awesome soundtrack to your weekend. A nice dose of nostalgic Americana and “old vegas” exploring.

Cons: Your trip would be a liiiitle too long, and if you don’t play your cards right, you might find yourself digging your own grave in the desert.

Swingers (1996)

Pros: Vegas, Baby! Poker! Stylish suits! Random fun with strangers!

Cons: The sad, sobering realization that you can’t escape your life by going to Vegas.

The Hangover (2009)

Pros: The adventure would be legen (wait for it) dary. Legendary. You’d meet both Mike Tyson and a giant tiger. You’d rock-star a hotel room and worry about the bill later. You’d valet a police cruiser and laugh at an asian man with innie penis. And most importantly, you’d be able to cure your hangover with the kind of “what just happened?” morning reflection that makes it all seem worth it.

Cons: Possible skin cancer from hotel roof broiling. Majorly expensive dental surgery, and no room left on the credit card to pay for it. Incriminating photos that will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Ocean’s Eleven (2001)

Pros: You’re trip is defined by cool. You know all the ins and outs, work your suit like a pro and only gamble to win. You get the girl, the money (and tons of it) and the prestige. And you feel great doing it.

Cons: It’ll never be this good again.

So there you have it.  In a range of Cage to Clooney, my trip fell somwhere in the middle.  But how 'bout you, Cinewisers?  Which flick would you want YOUR Vegas Vacation to emulate?  And Vegas Vacation is not actually an option.
Drop us a line!  In the mean time, more reviews to come...

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