Wednesday, June 2, 2010

That Was May: Cineskunks and Cinewins

Things that happened in May:

- Cannes Film Festival (seriously, it did happen);
- Cinewise Guys' favourite basketball team did pretty well. Not so much for the hockey team.
- Three of our favourite shows (well, I think we like two of them more than the other one) have ended their glorious (and occasionally stuttering) run on television.
- Elections happened on the East Side of the Pond and two potato-faced guys created a coalition government to follow another potato-faced guy.
- Oil kept spilling out into the Gulf - and unfortunately it looks like it will continue to do so.

More importantly (!), though, Cinewise Guys watched some pretty good films ... and some shockers. So, since it's that time of the month again (Germaine Greer, easy), we present you our Cineskunks (where films truly stink up the place) and Cinewins (where every 'win' brings with it a sense of dorkish elation ... or something along those lines). As always the picks will differ for the two countries we represent.

West Side of the Pond (courtesy of DubMC):

Worst Movie: MacGruber - Possibly the worst in a long run of terrible Saturday Night Live movies.  This flick is so bad, they should pay YOU money.
Worst Director: Jorma Taccone, MacGruber - Although this seems unfair, as you can hardly call what he did "directing".  It was more like "turning on the camera, pretending everything doesn't suck and hoping for the best."
Worst Actor: Will Forte, MacGruber - Sensing a pattern here?  In retrospect, he probably earned this award they day he conceived of the MacGruber movie.
Worst Actress: Scarlett Johansson, Iron Man 2 - I don't care how amazing you look...okay, that's a lie.  But what gives, Scarlett Jo?  Once upon a time, weren't you supposed to be, you know, good?  How come almost every time you opened your mouth in this flick, its stock plummeted 100 points? (shaking head sadly, muting TV)
Worst Script: Josh Klausner, Darren Lemke for...Shrek Forever After - Ha!  Fooled ya, didn't I?  You thought I was gonna say MacGruber again.  But I read MacGruber last year and you know what?  Cellery in the ass jokes aside, it didn't suck.  This script for Shrek, however, was the least imaginitive and most derrivitive ogre story yet.

Best Movie: Iron Man 2 - But to be fair, there wasn't a lot of competition.  May was pretty mild.
Best Director: John Favreau, Iron Man 2 - His technique and scope continue to impress. Turns out, the former character actor is a superstar director.
Best Actor: Robert Downey Jr., Iron Man 2 - As if there could be any other alternative.
Best Actress: Gemma Arterton, Prince of Persia.  Just to spite you, Bru.  (What?  It was a bad month!)
Best Script: John Solomon, Jorma Taccone, Will Forte, MacGruber.  How do you like dem apples?!

East Side of the Pond (courtesy of The Bru):

Worst Movie: Agora - I tried to like it. I really did. But it was a little ... how do you say it? ... crap.
Worst Director: Alejandro Amenabar, Agora - I never thought I was going to say this, but sadly Agora revealed a side of one of my favourite directors that I thought I'd never see: inability to tell a convincing story.
Worst Actor: Don Cheadle, Iron Man 2 - Seriously, what was the point of Don Cheadle in Iron Man 2?
Worst Actress: Scarlett Johansson, Iron Man 2 - Seriously, what was the point of Scarlett Johansson in Iron Man2?
Worst Script: Mate Gil and Alejandro Amenabar, Agora - There is no excuse for wooden dialogue and a climax that is 2 hours too early.

Best Movie: Bad Lieutenant - Port of Call - I did not see this coming at all. This is what a remake should be - improve on the original and add a little personal flavour.
Best Director: Werner Herzog, Bad Lieutenant - The balance he maintains between the real and the surreal is astonishing - the guy never ceases the amaze me.
Best Actor: Robert Downey, Jr., Iron Man 2 - As DubMC put it: who else?
Best Actress: Rachel Weisz, Agora - There had to be something good about Agora and she was exactly that.
Best Script: Jesse Armstrong, Sam Bain, Christopher Morris, Four Lions - Yes, it was sitcom-y, yes it was episodic, but it took no chances and managed to be outrageously funny all the way through.

So, what do you think? With hindsight, are we going to regret these choices? Let us know. And, as always, thanks for reading.


DubMC said...

I already regret my Best Script pick...

NO! I'm sticking to it!

...actually, regretting it again...


Oh, the pressure

The Bru said...

What would you pick instead?

DubMC said...



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