Sunday, April 4, 2010

That Was March: Cineskunks and Cinewins

There are films that stink. Here at Cinewise we have endured those so that you don't have to. If, on the other hand, you went and watched them after reading our humble opinion, well it's kinda your fault.

There are films that win. Here at Cinewise we watch those in awe and make sure that you are aware of them. If, on the other hand, you didn't go and watch them after reading our humble opinion, well that's kinda your fault too.

There are Cineskunks and then there are Cinewins ...


The awards season may be over, but here at Cinewise we want to provide you with more water cooler conversation fodder. So, we decided to launch a new series that will summarise the passing month in little nuggets of Cinewisdom. 

Cinewise is a global enterprise. We have offices in the City of Angels (where DubMc makes sure that the stars and wannabes are behaving as they should) and in London Town (where The Bru makes sure that apathy and sheer stiff-upper-lippiness does not consume him). This enables our Cinewiseguys to write about films that will not be released for eons in your place of residence. And that gives you, the awesome reader, the chance to spread some Cinewisdom about said films and become the king or queen (or both) of your water cooler realm.  

Without further ado, here are the inaugural Cineskunks and Cinewins for March 2010 from both sides of the Pond.

West Side of the Pond (courtesy of DubMc):

West Side of the Pond

Worst Movie: Repo Men - Couldn't find its tone, couldn't find its way, but made one heck of a mess while trying.
Worst Director: Steve Pink (Hot Tub Time Machine) - Funny movie. But his direction is like a toy from a cereal box - cheap and boring.
Worst Script: Eric Garcia and Garrett Lerner (Repo Men) - Put the final dagger into a dying script with its banal, repeat-offender twist.
Worst Actor: John Cusack (Hot Tub Time Machine) - Come on, Cusack! You're an '80s legend! This should be your money gig, but you were better in 2012! Aw, man ...
Worst Actress: Amy Ryan (The Green Zone) - Another great actress dulled by a crappy character she's better than. See above.

Best Movie: The Runaways - Rock and Roll on film.
Best Script: Josh Heald (Hot Tub Tim Machine) - It's not the one we get on screen, but it's the clever first draft that got the ball rolling.
Best Actor: Craig Robinson (Hot Tub Time Machine) - Subtle comic genius. He makes this movie.
Best Actress: Dakota Fanning (The Runaways) - She's growing up, and growing a dark side. You gotta love an actress who takes risks. And she takes quite a few here.

East Side of the Pond (courtesy of The Bru):

East Side of the Pond
Worst Movie: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - Still reeling from how all over the place and asinine the whole thing was.
Worst Director: Neil Jordan (Ondine) - Switches tones like Elizabeth Taylor switches husbands.
Worst Script: Nikolaj Arcel and Rasmus Hesietrberg (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo): For making sure that Michael Blomkvist is the most boring character of this decade.
Worst Actor: Michael Nyqvist (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo): Perhaps not his fault as his character should have been called Willmakeyousnore-man, but that doesn't give him an excuse to maintain a single facial expression for 2.5 hours - even when he's being strangled.
Worst Actress: Alicja Bachleda (Ondine): Harsh, I know. And I did say that she was well-cast, but I had to pick somebody.

Best Movie: Kick-Ass- I have been waiting for a superhero film that was more than the sum of its parts and this is it. Perhaps the only superhero film with an interesting superhero.
Best Director: Matthew Vaughn (Kick-Ass) - Not only did he make an ace film, but he managed to do it outside the studio system. A true maverick.
Best Script: Jane Goldman (Kick-Ass) - If you make an 11-year-old girl make fun of Batman and have her say "giant cock" in the same sentence, you have a winning script.
Best Actor: Nicolas Cage (Kick-Ass) - Remember how good he used to be before he started making two films a year? Yeah, he's that good.
Best Actress: Chloe Moretz (Kick-Ass): Seeing her in pigtails, eating ice-cream with his daddy makes you go "Awwww ...".Then she picks up a machete and cuts off a grown man's leg, which makes you go "AAAAAAHHH!!!". Natalie Portman failed us, I hope Chloe Moretz keeps her promise.

So, what do you think? Do you think we are being too unfair on some? Did we give credit to some that we shouldn't have? Do let us know and drop us a line. That's what "Comments" are for.

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